Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
