there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
