Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
