I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
