I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
