okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
