Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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