By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize