is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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