I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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