i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
