I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
