Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
