just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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