Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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