I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sext me about skeletons
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
