its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
