Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my shit smells like andre
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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