I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
