"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize