i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i came on her dog
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
