I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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