i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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