awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
