No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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