Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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