"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
