I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
