i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
