just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
