Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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