he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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