there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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