Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
