You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
