...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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