What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
