hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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