Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
