The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
