butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
