Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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