you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm always down for nudity.
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