her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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