Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
