I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
