I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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