The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
