It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
