I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
