Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
