i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
