your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
