You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
