Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
