I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
