I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
