yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
