Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
