If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
