I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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