He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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