She is in my trunk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
