I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i out mim tonsoeep
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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