he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
