I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
