Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
