he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
