And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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