I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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