So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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