I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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