Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
