yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
