Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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