But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
vagina is talking i cant
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
